All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
