Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
