When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
