Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I made him laugh his dick is mine
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
