He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
