i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
