I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
