forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
