I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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