pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
