If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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