I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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