oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
