i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
smell my finger.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
