I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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