I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave