Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER