dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.