he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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