Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.