dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night