I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.