Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates