apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
