so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
