This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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