how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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