i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
