Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
