There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
