So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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