I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
