We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You made out with two different species that night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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