so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
