yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
