My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
