Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
