Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize