so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
