He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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