i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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