you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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