watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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