even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
