i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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