well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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