Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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