he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize