Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
