i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
