I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
