I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
