I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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