Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
