We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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