oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
