ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
