i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
