if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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