Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
