Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
