Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
