thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
