:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
