So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
