I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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