dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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