GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
