I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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