I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
