I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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