he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
