Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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