I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
