i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
