i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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