How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
